random chatter: karma, flying, and even more questions

1. This was a helluva week! Exciting. Exhausting. Frustrating. I'm rundown today. I didn't dance this week and that always puts me in a funky mood, sort of irritated and punchy. I finally exhausted all of my patience with a coworker who's personality tests my buddhahood daily. Everyone tip-toes around her. Even the higher-ups find themselves bowing down to her. This week, I gave up and gave back! And now she and I are not on speaking terms. Bump that! Just one less person to have to say hello to in the morning! Oy! Where does she get off?! Somebody needs to knock that sloppy (sic) off her damn high horse for real. Moving on...

2. That I didn't get Misnomer is starting to wear on me. Not because I really wanted that Company, but because I was so close to my dream. I know it's better this way, because it's even more clear to me that I would not have been a good fit for the Company, but I want to be dancing. And when I'm sitting around not dancing and I have to deal with the uppity fools I work with, I get on edge. So, I'm back on my grind, looking for that next audition, chanting for work and good karma.

3. I visited SLAM (Streb's homebase in Brooklyn) on Wednesday to take a rad trapeze class (pictures coming soon!) and decided not to go for the Streb audition later this month. I'm definitely not strong enough yet to fake my way through the stuff they'll be asking of me. Plus, it'll be a three-day audition that would force me to miss two days of pilates training, a day of work and another audition that I'm a lot more confident about. It doesn't seem like a worthwhile sacrifice. But, lucky me, because there were some technical issues with the trapeze that stopped the class for an hour and even though when all was corrected the crew stayed an hour later to teach the class anyway, I got a free class gift certificate! So I'm going back again in the next week or two. Fun!

4. I haven't seen Phil since June... about three months. He's been hitting me up constantly this last week. I'm pretty much ready to let go. I think he doesn't get that. The rest are starting to fall back... so strange. I think I'm repelling them. Because I don't feel so successful anymore and my cockiness is waning? Maybe.

5. It's hard to see people I danced with growing up or who are my age (or younger) become really successful dancers, while I'm struggling to find my way. I try not to compare because I know each one of us is different, with different strengths and different paths, but it's hard not to be envious. I want to be dancing full-time. I want to be a successful, admired, talked-about performer. So what am I doing? Am I doing it right? Am I making good decisions? These have been some of my rush hour thoughts all week. It's so busy in here!

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