i think this will be my last post on this blog. it's too busy in here. and it's too exposing. i'm finding it hard to keep up with my online persona and to be honest i've lost interest in figuring out how much is too much or not enough or who's reading and what is real or cool. i got wrapped up in my own self-perceived hype.
so i'm starting over with a new blog. it's nameless at the moment. it's simple. free of dramatic sequels and tokens of my imaginary coolness. it's so much quieter there and i feel better about sharing it than i ever did about sharing this, my dysfunction and pretentiousness sloppily packaged in widgets, photos and prose. to my two-point-five readers, thanks for riding with me. i hope you'll join me on the next leg.
yes, less is more and i'm ready to give that a try.
peace,
laetiçia :)
07 April 2009
less is more/peace
03 April 2009
i'm tired and distracted. ms. badu said less is more. common sense to me, as i stand here shoulders sore, knuckles pale, frustrated and out of breath. i need to take a break before i break something.
see you on the other side.
15 March 2009
ben kenney: conception + the funeral
dope track from former roots member/current incubus bassist, ben kenney. came across his solo work way late, but i love it! have a listen.
visit his website (www.benkenney.com/) for more.
14 March 2009
heartbreak in toronto
i found a $75 flight to toronto. that's where i am now. i was invited to audition for cirque du soleil this morning and i rearranged my work schedule, missed class and rehearsal to come here. i'm staying with the family of a former student. the audition was just like the last one in new york, same auditors, same combination, same fabric numbers and gold safety pins. again, i didn't make the first cut. they only kept men, contemporary dancers who tumble and dancers who did anything other than contemporary. i planned to be here for the call back (which i knew i wouldn't get), just in case. my bus doesn't leave until tomorrow night at 9p :/
i've had a headache most of the weekend and i'm on my rag and i'm tired and sick. and bummed i didn't do my best this morning. and annoyed that i came all this way to not leave with a contract or the chance to say "at least i got a call back". i'm planning on leaving my job by june 8... in 3 months... 13 weeks actually. i need to have a full paying dance gig before then. i can't leave without something else lined up. and i refuse to go to retail or something else out of desperation...
patience and faith... patience and faith...
18 February 2009
chemical brothers: let forever be
this video is somewhere near the top of my favorite videos. it's trippy as hell and the choreography is timeless. enjoy!
15 February 2009
random chatter: everyday i'm hustlin'
1. these last few days have been at once hectic and enlightening and emotional and empowering. i made a lot of decisions, some i'm happy with, others i'm a bit regretful of. but i'm too much thinker-feeler. not enough doer. so i have to keep moving. stay on the path. the momentum's back, but it's got me seeing things as they relate to reality. no flying high on grand faith and feeling. i'm going to make these dreams of mine real life. this year has to be the year. i can't see the possibilities outside of my goals. this plan has to work. there is no plan b.
2. in the last week, i've auditioned like mad. i went ahead and crashed that cirque audition. for all my nervousness, i wasn't asked a thing. i was cut right away, but they have my things now. i'm hoping to go to their march audition in toronto. i haven't heard from ase yet *crossing fingers*, but i went out for another company inspirit dance based in brooklyn, which i landed. i have my first rehearsal this weekend. go me!
3. i discovered something a few days ago. my life was in perfect order when i was a disciplined student of dance. when i was taking class religiously and even with the stress of school and work, i got it done. i feel overwhelmed and just a step behind myself. so i'm getting back to it. i have to be dancing everyday, as exercise, as education, as reward, as work, as pay, as release.
4. i'm going to youngstown, oh at the end of the month. to judge a dance competition. as a kid, my local dance studio was way too avant garde for the competition scene, so i don't know the first thing about the competitive dance world. the stereotypes i have of these sort of events include underdressed, terribly trained preteen divas and the egomaniacal stage-momzillas who enable them. there will probably be a lot of bad dancing. a lot of glitter and neon lycra. but the pay is good and the organizers are covering for my flight, hotel room and meals, so i'm down!.
this covers my outta the city resolution for february. i was getting worried because my dc plans got tripped up... flaky people are the worst.
phil's from youngstown. le sigh.
5. i had my teacher training midterm last week. i stressed over it so much i wasn't sleeping! i had to create a lesson plan to present to the class. in the end, my teachers and my classmates loved my work. the comments and feedback i received were so rewarding! work hard, be successful.
6. i stood up to the two bullies in my life last week. on a whim in both the instances. i don't generally like confrontation, but i hate being treated like less than. one instance backfired and may cost me a mutual friend and a regular gig, and though there may have been other ways i could have handled it, i think the result could have happened no other way... c'est la vie. the other instance has laid the groundwork for every step i'll take from now on--most importantly, the ones to and out the door.
7. i told my boss that if i get a touring gig, i'd take it and wouldn't look back. i'll have been working there 6 years on my birthday this summer. that's much longer than i wanted. i'm ready to go. i'm waiting patiently for my escape plan to materialize. *geevus take the wheeeel!*
07 February 2009
on: auditioning (part 2)
1. i auditioned for ase dance theater collective this evening and all the stress and fatigue i've been feeling melted away. there were several moment tonight where i found myself on the brink of tears or feeling uncontrollably happy. i was an incredibily inspiring audition and even if i don't get the gig, i'm happy have had the opportunity to leave with so many seeds.
2. i think i'm going to make it a habit to improv more often. i always feel so relaxed and receptive after improving. another resolution maybe?
3. there's an exclusive, agency-only audition for a dream gig this weekend. it happens to be an eight-hour audition... for which i've not submitted any materials and i'm not certain i'll even be permitted to participate since i'm not with the agency called... and i don't even have a dance agent. decisions. decisions.
05 February 2009
dancing vs. being broke
imagine my frustration and sadness as i sit here, eyes glassy, shoulders sore, fingers shaky from hours hunched at my desk while there are agents in the conference room shuffling through headshots and watching reels. i'm overhearing conversations between choreographers and producers. i'm watching students improve and be recognized. i'm saying "have a good rehearsal!", "merde! you'll be great tonight!", and "have a wonderful time on your all expense paid two-week teaching gig in australia!" i'm winding down and feeling stuck and wishing for the courage to just say "fuck it! i'm a dancer!"
do care about dancing more than i care about being broke?
i want to be dancing
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