heartbreak in toronto

i found a $75 flight to toronto. that's where i am now. i was invited to audition for cirque du soleil this morning and i rearranged my work schedule, missed class and rehearsal to come here. i'm staying with the family of a former student. the audition was just like the last one in new york, same auditors, same combination, same fabric numbers and gold safety pins. again, i didn't make the first cut. they only kept men, contemporary dancers who tumble and dancers who did anything other than contemporary. i planned to be here for the call back (which i knew i wouldn't get), just in case. my bus doesn't leave until tomorrow night at 9p :/

i've had a headache most of the weekend and i'm on my rag and i'm tired and sick. and bummed i didn't do my best this morning. and annoyed that i came all this way to not leave with a contract or the chance to say "at least i got a call back". i'm planning on leaving my job by june 8... in 3 months... 13 weeks actually. i need to have a full paying dance gig before then. i can't leave without something else lined up. and i refuse to go to retail or something else out of desperation...

patience and faith... patience and faith...

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on: auditioning (part 2)

1. i auditioned for ase dance theater collective this evening and all the stress and fatigue i've been feeling melted away. there were several moment tonight where i found myself on the brink of tears or feeling uncontrollably happy. i was an incredibily inspiring audition and even if i don't get the gig, i'm happy have had the opportunity to leave with so many seeds.

2. i think i'm going to make it a habit to improv more often. i always feel so relaxed and receptive after improving. another resolution maybe?

3. there's an exclusive, agency-only audition for a dream gig this weekend. it happens to be an eight-hour audition... for which i've not submitted any materials and i'm not certain i'll even be permitted to participate since i'm not with the agency called... and i don't even have a dance agent. decisions. decisions.

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Complexions @ The Joyce

I saw Complexions Contemporary Ballet at The Joyce twice this season. They presented three programs of ballets over the course of two weeks. The Company is made up of an excellent crop of young dancers, a majority of whom joined this year. They are exceptionally skillful technicians who are bursting with passion and charisma. I was pleased to see more focus on the women during the performances. The last time I saw Complexions, the men took center stage wowing us with their athleticism, while the women sort of kicked and spun around them. I was excited about the return of Wendy Sasser White, but was promptly disappointed to find that I would not see her on stage this season. Hiroko Sakakibara and Natalia Alonso were the most exciting of the newcomers to watch, while Christina Dooling commanded the stage with her presence. All of the men were beautiful, particularly Phil Orsano and D. Gary W. Jeter, II (who both have unbelievable bodies).

The closing piece, choreographed by Dwight Rhoden, Rise was set to the music of U2 and featured an incredible array of concert lighting that blew me away--by now you'll have guess accurately that I'm a total lighting geek! I felt like I was at a rock concert with the dramatic moving instruments and dazzling light effects. I especially loved the image of silhouettes against a back lite cyc. It was a high energy piece that made me want to dance and sing along. I loved it!

Another piece choreographed by Mr. Rhoden and performed on both evenings, was I Will Not Be Broken featuring a pas de deux and breathtaking solo by Desmond Richardson with live song and text by S. Epatha Merkerson. On the first evening, the duet was performed by Sabra Perry and Juan-Antonio Rodriguez. On the second evening, Cristina Dooling and Edgar Anido danced. While Mr. Richardson was on fire both evenings (he is remarkable), it was the Dooling/Anido pairing that made me enjoy the piece. I found Perry to be technically fierce, but her performance was dull compared to glare of Desmond and her partner. Ms. Dooling, however, handled the emotion expertly and better matched Desmond's raw projection.

On the evening I saw them, Rhoden's Ave Maria (performed by Hiroko Sakakibara and Simon Sliva) and Jae Men Joo's Surface (performed by Jeter & Orsano) were two of the moving and best cast duets in the season. While Mr. Rhoden's Routines, the Forsythe pas de deux and Igbal Perry's work were forgettable.

The evenings were exceptional. I quite admire the Company's versatility and they're technical prowess. Go see for yourself! Two thumbs up!

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Urban Bush Women & Companie Janti-Bi @ BAM

I'm confident in saying this is the best dance of 2008. Hands down. The collaboration between Urban Bush Women and Compagnie Jant-Bi was seamless, powerful, provoking, exquisite, and absolutely beautiful. I apprenticed for Urban Bush Women in the fall of 2007 just before they set out for Senegal to begin the process of creating Les écailles de la mémoire (The Scales of Memory) with Germaine Acogny's Compagnie Jant-Bi.

In the Artist Talk just before the performance, the choreographers discussed their creative process, citing their immersion in the harshest, most blatent evidence of African and Afro-American history to develop a truly awesome work. When asked what each had thought of the other's homeland prior to their collaboration and what they'd learned after the project, Germaine stunned me when she said, while slavery was always a part of African culture, she and her Company never imagined the horrors suffered by the Africans brought to America. She learned of the harshness of America's brand of slavery after visiting a museum in Tallahassee, FL last year. It never occurred to be that Africans wouldn't know our side of the story. The two also talked about how much they enjoyed the creative process of the project because it was a collaborative effort. They felt they were joined spiritually and they truly admired and respect each other as artists. They talked about traveling to slave dungeons, rehearsing in Germaine's open air studio overlooking the savanna and how the creation of the work was a healing experience for all involved.

The piece is filled with incredibly powerful imagery. And while Jawole said there wasn't a narrative, I did sense that it was moving with history. I'm currently reading a book by dance anthropologist Lynn Fauley Emery, Black Dance: From 1619 to Today. In the beginning chapters, she discusses the earliest recorded dance history of African slaves and she mentions that slaves were forced to dance to maintain their health. She also mentions the emergance of the Black bourgois and slave dance parties, their structures, and their importance. I found these images, among others, in Les écailles de la mémoire. It isn't surprising that Jawole would take an anthropologic approach to this work. Her last work was inspired by the life of the famed dance historian, Pearl Primus.

The piece asks questions of identity. I think these 14 dancers have come far in answering them.

Two thumbs up.

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La La La Human Steps: Amjad

Sigh.

As fanatic as I am about Amelia, I can't say I feel the same about Amjad, the newest work by La La La Human Steps presented at BAM this week. First I'll say it was remarkable to see first hand the incredible speed, precision, and power of the dancers. What I'd fallen in love with in Amelia is real. Amjad, however, was pretty boring. In the Artist Talk prior to the show, choreographer Édouard Lock described his work as a deconstruction of two iconic ballets, Swan Lake and Sleeping Beauty. He's lost me there. At no point during the evening did I see a clear storyline or clear roles. I think that dance doesn't necessarily require a narrative. While it can be difficult to be both interesting and non-narrative, I think it's quite possible to dance for the sake of dancing and be compelling. It doesn't happen here. Further, the gigantic sculptures on both sides of legs, incests inspired by the forest scenes according to Lock, lowered and raised at random it seemed. Three large circular projection screens with images of pearls, branches, red fabric, blood and sleeping women seemed to be vaguely related to the stories, but also appeared at random. Without a storyline, all that lightning fast movement became pretty dull to watch; there really was no dynamic change in the dancing. Just fast. And the dancers are so thin. I mean scary thin. I'm still working on making a connection to the name. Amjad, a popular Persian name. Maybe I need to do more research.

What I did love was the music. Distorted and remixed, I was happy when I found familiar music, but I was really intrigued by the sections of stranger, newer takes on it. The musicians, two violas, cello and piano offered a really dark incarnation of Tchaikovsky's masterpieces. The harsh minimal lighting complemented the sinister feel of the evening, fast cutting from one extreme angle to another, casting bright white on the sickly pale dancers as they flittered around .

I hadn't seen anything by Édouard Lock prior to Amelia and I assumed that Amjad would, of course, have that familiar fast paced movement style. I just didn't expect him to take one aspect of his vocabulary and give me 100 minutes of it. There are moments throughout Amelia in which Lock plays with slow motion and stillness. I wish he had gone in a similar direction with Amjad.

One thumb up. Now, I go watch Amelia.

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Les Sept Planches de la Ruse @ BAM

I bought a ticket to Les Sept Planches de la Ruse [The Seven Boards of Skill] without really understanding what I was going to see. Promotional material described the show as nouveau cirque and a large scale take on a popular children's game, Tangram. The name actually refers to the seven block pieces of Tangram, a game in which the player can create an infinite number of figures and shapes with blocks. In Les Sept Planches, French Director Aurélien Bory collaborated with actors and acrobats from China's Peking Opera to bring the childhood humor and imagination of the game to the stage.

The huge pieces (the largest is 500 lbs) slide across the stage forming the scenery (mountains, pedestals, playgrounds, etc.), while the dancers moved on, off and through them, often traveling in that quick gliding fashion we associate with Chinese theater. I was quite impressed by the skill of the performers. There were several moments during the evening when I gasped as a block teetered and swayed into place, an actor balancing on top. Singers in the group sang Chinese songs while sliding down the blocks and a Chinese lute player appeared and disappeared with out warning throughout the evening. I enjoyed the lighting which was minimal, mostly cast incredibly beautiful shadows on the performers and on the blocks.

I went to the Artist Talk with Mr. Bory just before the show in which he revealed his obsession with geometry. He also talked about the collaborative aspect of this project's creative process and how important it was for him to also use older performers and non-dancers.

Two thumbs up! I want to go purchase a Tangram game!

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Meeting with Bodhisattva @ BAM

I saw Meeting with Bodhisattva at BAM his week and despite my fatigue, I was so happy I went. Meeting with Bodhisattva tells the story of the the Buddhist figure, Bodhisattva, through music, martial arts, and dance. I was in awe at the ease and precision of the performers. The music and the movement was very powerful, yet graceful and mesmerizing.

I read in the program that The U Theatre's director, Liu Ruo-Yu, requires his students to first learn meditaion before learning drumming, theater and dance. I think this explains the performers incredible calm throughout the piece and even when receiving a standing ovation during their bows. They were so peaceful.

Two thumbs up.

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Jo Strømgren Kompani, "The Society"

What began as a delightfully confusing evening, developed into kind of funny and then into just plain dumb. I visited Abron Arts Center in LES last night to see Jo Strømgren Kompani, a Norwegian dance theater company. Their latest work, "The Society" was raved about in the papes, so I went to check it out. Here's the Times review that hooked me.

I left a little miffed, but wouldn't not recommend this show. It wasn't awful, it just wasn't my taste of humor.

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ODC/Dance + Bangarra + Steve Reich Evening

I've had a pretty eventful week in terms of seeing dance. I bought tickets to see ODC/Dance at the Joyce and a pair of tickets at BAM to see Bangarra's Awakenings and Steve Reich evening. Here are my thoughts.

ODC/Dance is a San Francisco-based contemporary dance company who are quite influential in their local dance scene. They have their own school and theater; they do a lot of outreach and art-in-education programs; they pay and insure their dancers; they're mission is simple, but realistic. They're the Company to be in if you're a dancer in San Fran. With all that said and after reading the dancer's bios, I thought I would be in for a real treat.



In as few words as possible: I was completely unimpressed. Unimpressed with the dancing. Unimpressed with the choreography. Unimpressed with the costumes, lighting, and staging. While I was impressed by a few of the dancers (particularly Daniel Santos), I felt that the whole evening was predictable, mediocre, amateurish, boring.

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I love to watch dance that's based in the roots of a particular culture and incorporates modern and contemporary styles to create something newer. I saw Bangarra Dance Theater at BAM this week and really enjoyed it. They performed their newest work, Awakenings, stories of rites of passage in ancient Aboriginal culture. The Company is made up entirely of Aboriginal/mixed Aboriginal dancers.



I was struck by how seamless the movement felt and how honest and sincere the performers were. I admit some of the choreography wasn't awesome, but the commitment the dancers gave to the movement drew me in. I was especially floored by the lighting and the set.

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I was first introduced to the music of Steve Reich while studying dance at CalArts. It once occurred to me that his was Music for Intellectuals and it made me feel good to be truly into it; that I could find the soul in it. I understood it and was intrigued by it. It's very mathematical and pendulous. Rhythms are established then mixed and lost and found again. I went to see Steve Reich Evening at BAM as part of a city-wide celebration on the composer's 70th birthday.



While this wasn't the best collection of his work, I was mesmerized by the musicians. I'd never seen Reich music played live and I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect. Most of he dancing was dynamic and excited and matched Reich music wonderfully. And while a lot of the dancing was repetitive and kind of dull, I enjoyed the precision and commitment the dancers provided it. My biggest problem with the whole evening was the arrogance of the artists and the producers. Exhibit A: Poems symphonique pour cent metronomes by Gyorgy Ligeti, in which a hundred metronomes are set off onstage and slowly wind down. Further, I found it more than slightly annoying that the dancers were so casual on stage, chitchatting, removing costume bits, lackadaisical technique and I got the strange feeling several times during the evening that everyone was marking.

A more thorough, less biased review may be found here.

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Next week, I return to BAM for Meeting with Bodditsavah and then to NJPAC for the Movie Music of Spike Lee. Raucous soul clapping for me and my cultureficationizing.

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Omodaka: Kyoteizinc

When it's done well, I love dance on film. My homeslice Sodi passed along this video clip from Japanese electro-pop group OMODAKA. Performed by dancer Masako Yasumoto, the "glitch dancing" is really nice to watch. The play with costume and layers and multiplicity adds depth to the dancer's movements.

I wish artists in the States would incorporate more interesting dance into their music videos. Once you've seen a bouncing booty, you pretty much get the gist.

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Audition: DV8 Physical Theatre

www.dv8.co.uk/

I auditioned for this company last weekend. It was a six-hour process that left me really exhausted, mentally and physically, but also completely enlightened and more aware of where my path is headed. I'm going to Europe. I don't know when or how I'm getting over there, but I feel like that's where my career is. I feel like the projects that I've worked on and the people I've worked with have all been a precursor to what's to come.

Just need to say that out loud... see what comes of it.

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"Breath"

Another set of dancing images by Alex. Alex called me up a week ago for an impromtu shoot and I was totally game. I felt very confident in these picture, not really having a sense of what I wanted, I just went in blank headed. I particularly love the jump shots as they show off what's left of my technique (:P). And the postures on the floor en pointe look very geometric and balanced... I like!

Hope you do too. Enjoy!

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Lully of Birdland (Hannah)
via FoxyTunes

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Moving Forward

I feel like I'm back at square one. I was really looking forward to dancing this season and now that I'm back on the auditioning circuit, I'm find very few projects that interest me. There are two upcoming auditions that I'm gearing up for:

STREB

A Brooklyn-based movement company that incorporates dance, athletics, circus arts, and theater in their work, truly wowing their international audiences and always pushing the limits of what man can do. I caught them a few years back at City Center and have since repeatedly found myself just a few degrees of separation between me and the Company. The three day audition will be tough because though I have some basic gymnastic moves down, I'm not confident in much else in terms of flips and tricks, climbing, swinging, and all that. It's bound to be a crowded and supremely competitive audition as well, because it's a full time gig with full health coverage and a teaching position at their school, S.L.A.M. They also tour internationally and work 28 weeks out of the year.
www.strebusa.org

LeeSaar

I auditioned for this company a year or two ago on a whim. I hadn't heard of them but they had substantial reviews and write-ups all over the web. It was a crowded audition. I made it to the second cut having impressed the duo with my improv. I wasn't kept because I choreography caught me out of my element. This time around there is no formal audition. They'll be inviting dancers from their open classes at DNA at the end of September. Modern Guest Artist Classes at DNA tend to be packed when the teacher is popular or there's word that a gig could come out of it.
www.leesaar.com

So Plan B is to land a gig this season that will pay me and keep me busy. Unfortunately for me, I'll have to rework my training and work schedule to take these auditions, but the prospect of landing either is well worth the sacrifice. Wish me merde!

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Nope... Not this time.

So... after three auditions, a week of trial rehearsals, and nervous waiting and waiting, I got a call from Chris this afternoon that I would not be moving forward with Misnomer after all. To be honest, I'm pretty relieved. There were several times last week it crossed my mind that maybe I couldn't see myself working with these people, doing this choreography, going in this direction professionally over the course of two years. It would've been a serious commitment and the reality is, I didn't feel very strongly about the work. I am very very grateful for the time I was able to spend with the Company and with Chris. It was a great time.

I'm surprising myself with my own resilience. Just a few weeks ago, when I was sure I hadn't made the cut, I was sulky and bummed out. Today, I feel like that something great is about to happen; like the universe is working on plan I don't know about yet and my turn is just steps away. I believe in the power of determination; by simply saying there is absolutely no way that I will not reach my goals and that success is certain for me, it will be. And this is what I'm saying. Not getting Misnomer has opened a huge chunk of calendar space for auditioning, working and exploring! I'm actually quite excited!

Stay tuned for the real thing!

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Lettuce on the Morning News!

So... a teacher at the school told me that he'd seen me on TV this morning. Fastforward to about 3:12 to see a tiny clip of me sing and dancing in that Migros Commercial I shot about a month ago. I look stupid.



Yaay for me and my UGLY mug!

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On: Questioning my path + Mostly definite answers

So... I had this extra long conversation with a really good friend of mine, an actor, a black actor, coincidentally, who, in light of the dismal economic conditions we're all suffering from, is toying with the idea of quitting the business. As he was lamenting about being broke and losing patience for that 'big break', I began to question my decisions on my own path. Why do I dance (later post)? What do I really want to be doing? Am I really 'a creative'? Or simply not smart enough/too lazy/too stubborn? I haven't questioned myself in some time. I guess I've been busy hustling toward what I think is my dream.

So, on the opening night of this latest gig, after losing my footing and breaking character too many times to consider it a good performance, I am considering what life would look like sans dance. I know, just like I told my actor friend, that this is just a moment of doubt that will pass. And I know that for the first time ever, I've got rehearsals and projects lined up over the next several months. It looks like the beginning success. But the questions are still there. Nagging. Wanting resolution.

I'm having some reservations about Misnomer. I'm really nervous about the whole thing... more so than excited. I'm scheduled to have my first conversation with Chris at some point tomorrow about moving forward with the company, but this afternoon, I had a flash of panic, imagining how a future exchange with him would go when he realizes he's made a grave mistake in hiring me. I think about moments when I've been really close my 'ultimate' (the Urban Bush Women Apprenticeship or AGORA for examples) and had not taken full advantage of those moments. It's so pointless to regret, so I'll stop here and say that my fear is not of success, but of not progression.

Some things I'm mostly sure of:

I want to cut off all communication with PK. It's been two years. A long time to stay in one place.

In September, the Kane School is admitting a class of teacher trainees in September. I've already saved the $900 to do it.

Being 100% self-employed is only steps away.

My 25th year will be the best ever!

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I'm here!

Today was a happy day. I was frustrated with myself, yes, because my mind and body began losing a short, painful battle with fatigue right when I need all the troops in line. But even with this crazy charlie horse in my calf and the spasms in my back, I couldn't be happier today. I'm living my dream. This is a tick off the ol' list. I would have been at the school today, working too many hours, sitting on my ass, wishing for something like this.

... Happy Birthday to me!

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Must See: FELA! Off-Broadway

I stumbled upon an ad for this show and felt a little sad. I remember the audition for FELA!, the Bill T. Jones created musical about the life of Nigerian inventor of afrobeat. I remember that it was at this audition that I realized that talent, in fact, does count for something in this business, and that I couldn't simply get by on luck and looks alone. Before then, I pretty much banked on this miserable theory that all of the work I'd been hired for were token gestures or simply to fulfill the requirements of some diversity grant. Before that audition, in front of Bill T. Jones and Aaron Johnson (of Antibalas), plus a table full of bigwigs and people I wanted to be... before then, I thought I didn't have to work so hard to prove myself because I was an Ailey-trained lean and muscular black dancer and even though I wasn't hot shit, most people thought I was because I looked like I was (more on reconciling what people think I am with what I actually am in a later post).

So, anyway, I bombed that audition and it was quite a shock. As was my luck, all of the women at the audition were Ailey-trained lean and muscular black dancers... who could both sing and act and play percussion and recall West African folk songs and were more confident, more beautiful, and truly far more hotter shit than I ever thought I was. I couldn't execute African dance convincingly. I wasn't a confident improvisor. I was too sure about my ability to just pick up my sax and wing it. I was a mess. And then I was really, really blue. I was staring my dream in the eye: a chance to work for my favorite choreographer along side one of my favorite music groups in a show about one of my favorite music artist. And I blew it. Totally dropped the ball. No excuses. Just poor planning and too little self-awareness. I promised myself that I would take vocal lessons and African classes, that I would pick up my sax everyday and learn to improvise like the greats. I'd be unstoppable.

Fast forward a year, the show is opening next month. I plan to see it, of course. I watch the youtube clips and I can only imagine what the process must have been like; the rehearsals and the music and the community of it... sigh. I never got any of those classes in and I've yet to pick up my sax again, but I will soon. And maybe, if this show is picked up for a bigger longer run, I can be ready for it.


Check the website for clips, show dates, and more information about the show at www.felaoffbroadway.com

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On: Suppressing Ego + Controlling Karma

I was reprimanded in rehearsal last week. For being scatter brained. My explanation, if I weren't too chicken to talk back:

I'm working on my first residency. In a week's time, I've done everything wrong and for a moment I felt like I'd set myself up as the big fat joke of the bunch; the "late one", the "slow one", the "one to roll your eyes at". There have been so many challenges for me to work out since I began this project and the one that's been the hardest for me is suppressing my own ego. It was instinctual for me to believe that the choreographer had it out for me and that I wasn't good enough for the work or that I'm marked for suffering and I have a right to be bitter all the time.

In reality, in the grand scheme of things, I'm just a speck of sand in a maestro's sandbox. We are a orchestra, cast and crew of nearly 100over 175 for two separate operas that both need to be choreographed, staged, and well rehearsed in just two weeks. Where I am placed in a sequence or on the stage is more a matter of the director's whim and my sheer luck than one of my talent. My sister said it best: I have no reason to prove myself; I'm already here. I just need to do my best work and be grateful for the opportunity to do so. While spending so much energy analyzing the other dancers' body language or the choreographer's offbeat comments, wondering how everyone remembered the choreography so well or why she got cast as such and such instead of me, I was doing myself a disservice. I could have put all that concentration into learning my roles and perfecting my craft.

This week is better. I'm happier this week. Now that I've more or less gotten over myself, I want to work on my good-sportsmanship. I'm good at fighting the urge to hate on people... sometimes... most of the time, what I'm terrible at is expressing sympathy when my hateration translates into someone else's bad karma (ie: self-entitled diva loses leading role to snarky mini diva; huge chunk of choreography gets cut by director while choreographer helplessly looks on; borderline dits just getting by on her dewy-eyed looks removed from dance for lack of talent). I should feel compassion. I'm trying to put myself in their shoes. Karma (or my nascent telepathic sense) is a bitch.

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Must See: BAM's 2008 Next Wave Festival

I just received a phone call from BAM asking if I would be interested in purchasing a subscription to this years Next Wave Festival. I've regretfully missed the last few, but this years program is absolutely too good to pass up! Here's a list of the pieces I'm looking forward to, plus some video to give you a taste.

Urban Bush Women in collaboration with Compagnie JANT-BI, Les ecailles de la memoire. I was invited to rehearse as an apprentice with Urban Bush Women last fall. The apprenticeship ended just before the company left for Senegal where they collaborated with Compagnie Jant-Bi, an all-male contemporary West African dance troupe. I'm looking forward to seeing what they've created.

www.urbanbushwomen.org


La La La Human Steps,  Amjad. My obsession with the Canadian contemporary ballet company La La La Human Steps began when my sister put me on to the Company's dance film Amelia via youtube earlier this year. In Amjad, the Company will perform Sleeping Beauty and Swan Lake the way Édourd Loch would like it done. I think this will be the highlight of my year!

www.lalalahumansteps.com

A Quarreling Pair, new work by Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance. I've fell for this company at the very first annual City Center Fall for Dance Festival in 2004. The Company, along with a handful of invited guests (including former company member, Alexandra Beller, a woman I truly admire)  performed Continuous Replay. I've since been a devoted fan of the Company's work and I am always floored by the brilliance of the dancers.

www.billtjones.org

Pina Bausch Bamboo Blue Pina Bausch is a big deal in the modern dance world. She's like some sort of goddess to many dancers I know. I don't get what all the hype is about, so I'm really interested to see her latest work, Bamboo Blue.

Pina Bausch wiki

Hooray! In other news, I begin rehearsals for Harnasie in a few hours. I can't believe how beautiful it is up here. Annandale-on-Hudson. That's where I am. All this wilderness makes me kind of giddy... too giddy to sleep! More on being surrounded by nature and miles upon miles away from the city, plus rehearsing the opera (I still can't believe I got this gig!) in the next few days.

In the mean time, g'night :)

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