On: Questioning my path + Mostly definite answers

So... I had this extra long conversation with a really good friend of mine, an actor, a black actor, coincidentally, who, in light of the dismal economic conditions we're all suffering from, is toying with the idea of quitting the business. As he was lamenting about being broke and losing patience for that 'big break', I began to question my decisions on my own path. Why do I dance (later post)? What do I really want to be doing? Am I really 'a creative'? Or simply not smart enough/too lazy/too stubborn? I haven't questioned myself in some time. I guess I've been busy hustling toward what I think is my dream.

So, on the opening night of this latest gig, after losing my footing and breaking character too many times to consider it a good performance, I am considering what life would look like sans dance. I know, just like I told my actor friend, that this is just a moment of doubt that will pass. And I know that for the first time ever, I've got rehearsals and projects lined up over the next several months. It looks like the beginning success. But the questions are still there. Nagging. Wanting resolution.

I'm having some reservations about Misnomer. I'm really nervous about the whole thing... more so than excited. I'm scheduled to have my first conversation with Chris at some point tomorrow about moving forward with the company, but this afternoon, I had a flash of panic, imagining how a future exchange with him would go when he realizes he's made a grave mistake in hiring me. I think about moments when I've been really close my 'ultimate' (the Urban Bush Women Apprenticeship or AGORA for examples) and had not taken full advantage of those moments. It's so pointless to regret, so I'll stop here and say that my fear is not of success, but of not progression.

Some things I'm mostly sure of:

I want to cut off all communication with PK. It's been two years. A long time to stay in one place.

In September, the Kane School is admitting a class of teacher trainees in September. I've already saved the $900 to do it.

Being 100% self-employed is only steps away.

My 25th year will be the best ever!

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