An Idiot's Guide to Fresher Lettuce (2007 Edition)

I made this list back in January. I've been successful at keeping most of the items at the front of my mind since it's inception, but I know my motitvation to complete the tasks will ebb and flow like my mood. They aren't ordered in any particular manner, though the first three items do hold greatest importance to me. I've decided that achieving them wiil have the greatest impact in my emotional well-being.


Properly grieve my father’s death
This fall will mark eight years since his passing, and yet I haven’t been able to rid myself of the secret depression I’ve felt all this time. I remember crying for a little bit and then suddenly coming to a point of acceptance. The following morning, I went to school. I sort of skipped all the clear mourning phases and continued on with life, bottling up my deep sorrow so as to appear strong. Stress manifests itself in my body as illness. The times when my sadness was on the verge of surfacing were the times I was most unhealthy. In the coming months, I will make up of for tears I forced myself not to shed.

Live life with true Integrity
It’s such a simple idea, yet so unbelievably difficult to act on! I think I’ve found the answer to happiness. Being honest, to myself in particular is a challenge for me sometimes. I demand absolute honesty from others, but I find myself hypocritically holding back to save an ego here, someone’s self-esteem there. Lying to myself, has led me to heartache on more than just a few occasions. I’m going to try and keep this concept in the front of my head as often as I can manage.


Become the type that attracts my type
It’s true that a woman should work on herself before attempting to find a mate. My ideal partner is financially independent, emotionally mature, creative/artistic, worldly, passionate about something and an all around good person. I imagine this person is looking for the same characteristics in his mate. I will begin a process of embodying these qualities, so that when he finds me, I’ll be ready for him :)

A page a day
I want to begin a daily ritual of vomiting everything that’s in my head – every idea, every dream, every thought—no matter how dark or ridiculous, every secret. A full page. More if I need to. So I can clear my mind and to see myself more realistically.

Be less available
People take you for granted when you’re always around. I’m going to postpone returning calls and emails, reject more invitations, just be more distant, more detached. I’m such a cling-on. It’s the Cancer in me.

Explore more
I want to change my view. I never go out anymore. I need to go on field trips to a museum or to a concert. Meet different people. Strike up a conversation with strangers every now and again about whatever moves me. I’m such an introvert. I want to be more outgoing in a non-obnoxious way. I want to take chances once in a while. Hop a turnstile maybe. Or maybe play my sax in the subway or do an impromptu performance piece in the middle of Bryant Park. Audition more. Ask a man to dinner. Be daring and dangerous for a once.

Rebuild My Savings
I was proud of my substantial savings at one point—so proud in fact that I couldn’t resist a bit of spreeing as a reward. Unfortunately, a rainy day came along and my just-in-case-and-then-some fund quickly depleted to less than half of its original amount :( I plan to create a budget that will limit my spending and replenish my newly christened emergency/independent woman fund.

Regain my Physical Strength
I know as a performer I won’t be retiring at 30, but the reality of time and age have begun to affect my body in ways I couldn’t fathom as a limber 16 year old. My muscles have lost their tone, pulling my bones and placement out of the ideal shape I worked so effortlessly to attain. I have to get back into class, work on some yoga or Pilates, before it becomes too frustrating to reverse the damage.

I think these 8 goals are absolutely with in my grasp. Twelve months from now, I will be unrecognizable and a few steps closer to a woman I can admire.

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