random chatter: matters of love, looks and mammaries

He finally materialized... out of no where mind you. I can't imagine ever doing that to someone... just up and disappearing. I know I agreed to let it be open, no labels=no disappointments, but it's not working too well for me. I'm so tired of contradicting myself. I want out for good. Now I just need to find the guts to say exactly that, mean it, and be happy with the resolution.

I have a casting on Saturday. Not through UGLY (a *whole* other post), but through Craigslist. I don't know what gave me the idea that I could possibly be a model of any sort. I'm super ordinary and I'm not particularly photogenic, but I like playing dress up and I like the idea of making money without actually doing anything adding any extracurriculars to my already insane schedule. It's for a Brooklyn-based clothing company. The posting said they're looking for "exotic models". I sent my vitals and some photos in, and I got an invitation to the casting. I have no hope of actually landing the gig. I'm not even sure if or how well it pays. But I figure I don't have anything to lose.

Right now I'm tired.

Doctor appointment at 9am tomorrow. I'm seeing the breast specialist. She's going to tell me that I can either take another course of antibiotics or have surgery. It's a dilated duct. I think I'll eventually have to get it removed anyway. I'm sad about that... mostly because I know I've done it t myself.

Bummer indeed.

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