Every few days I get this heaviness in my upper back and it wraps around over my shoulders to tighten the flat part of my chest, then it pulls up the two hard columns on the back of my neck, traipses behind my ears, past the sides of my skull to land somewhere behind my eyes where it tries to escape by stabbing at them. It marches on this crisscross path for a couple of hours, sometime an entire day, back and forth, hard and heavy. The length of my neck has shrunken and it pitches my head forward, so that I have to look down at my feet. I almost hunch. I think it's where all my stress lives. In two large knots that sit just in the hollow bowls behind my collarbones, on either side of my neck. The right is bigger than the left; my left generally hurts less than my right; my right shoulder hangs lower than my left. Magic fingers, big shivering chairs in the mall, little rubber hammers made in China, tennis balls – none have done much to relieve me of them. I think of them as the good and bad sides of my ego. Like in movies, when an angel and a demon show up on a character’s shoulders just in time to help him make a hard decision. Except mine just sit there mute and lazy, fattening up on candy coated McDonalds Happy Meals and Super-sized diet energy drink, while I carry their weight and figure things out on my own. I wish I could shake ‘em off, or get them scooped out.
View blog reactions20 April 2007
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